Monday, 15 December 2008

Depression OR Mid-life Crisis ?

For some time, I have been feeling low and moody. I find it so hard to get up in the morning to go to work.Friends tell me I am going through a mid-life crisis even though I do not feel it is that. I am 39 years old and wish life would be less stressful, but each day seems such a drag for me.
Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining ! Neither am I the poser. But, some of the symptoms do remind me of a certain stretch of time in my life when I wondered occasionally if I was indeed suffering from depression. Yes, I was in my forties then. The more I thought about it, the worse I feared. I had some information about psychological problems that could possibly plague men in my age group, and I seemed to identify with all the symptoms associated with depression. But, I never had negative thoughts about myself. Neither did I entertain extensive negative thoughts about the future, life, society, or the world in general. Daily activities ? Well, routine, boring and predictable as usual.

I wonder if I am suffering from depression.

Some consultant therapist had said, "People who suffer from depression often end up being dominated by negative thoughts, low moods and, if severe enough, suicidal thoughts".

I had some. Well, not consistently and continuously for a stretch of time. What I feared then was the possible onset of depression. And, if left unchecked could possibly lead to a situation where I could not even search my mind. At least I could still take charge of myself then.

From hindsight, I was feeling depressed but not necessarily suffering from depression. I like it best when an expert attributed such psychological profile as possibly due to what is known as life-transition issues.

Yes, I was definitely grappling with issues such as:

  • how life has been for me so far;
  • wondering if I had achieved anything significant or legendary;
  • whether or not I had lived life to the fullest;
  • taking stocks of my ambitions, achievements and uncompleted tasks;
  • evaluating as to what and how I should move on from then;
  • whether or not I should slow down and enter a more leisurely phase of my life;
  • evaluating as to what could possibly see me actively and usefully engaged throughout the rest of my life; and
  • whether or not a retirement home elsewhere would be better; etc.
Technically, it was a mid-life crisis as it triggers the thought that a significant stretch of my life has gone by and death is eventual and inevitable as I soldier, glide, drag, whatever on the rest of my life.

It is suggested that I take time to reflect on what has been meaningful in my life thus far, and identify blessings in my life.

It is true that whatever struggles, unfulfilled dreams such as my dream house by the sea/ocean and dissatisfactions should not negate or discount what has been affirmative and self-rewarding thus far. I would continue to pursue on how I wish to live for the rest of my life.
I will find time to pursue my interest in music which I regrettably neglected when I switched jobs soon after I bought the Yamaha Electone Organ in 1985.

There must be someone and something to live for, something enthusing and something enticing out there to lead me on!

I have already started on enhancing relationships with people who mean so much to me, but that I could not spend more time with them in the past hectic lifestyle.

I have resumed my strict regimen, and adopt a more healthy lifestyle. Come Sunday and you are most likely to find me recharging at one of Singapore's beaches.

I continue to seek and discern spiritual inspiration and direction to enhance my inner peace and ps psychological/spiritual well-being.

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