Counselling With A Spiritual Dimension

Counselling involves two parties, that is the caregiver and the client(s) who have agreed to engage in a therapeutic relationship according to some agreed terms and conditions. Technically, the caregiver is known as the counsellor and his client the counsellee. The relationship between both must be seen and felt to be therapeutic throughout the whole process of counselling in order for it to be fruitful.

For this to happen, several factors and conditions must prevail. Confidentiality is paramount before trust prevails. The counsellor must ensure the client that what ever transpired during the process shall not be revealed to another party unless with the approval of the client or by requirement of the legal authorities. The counselling must also be carried out at a place and under conditions where the client feels safe and assured of his or her want of confidentiality. The relationship between counsellor and counsellee must be seen and perceived to be equal, balanced and non-threatening. This entails proper settings. and choosing of fixtures and furniture. So is the sitting arrangement and level of eye contact. A new secular counsellor once learned much to her horror, from her supervisor that her Indian client had complained of her authoritative way of talking to him in the presence of his wife. Her good intention of letting the couple sit on the more comfortable sofa set whilst she settled for the swivel chair was perceived differently by the client as he was reminded of his school days when the principal would take to the swivel chair when talking to him in the office!

At the individual level, the client must be willing to open up and share with the counsellor all details of the situation/crisis and/or problem(s). Co-operation with the counsellor must be forthcoming in order for the process to move on and progress through to its fruitful conclusion. The client should attempt all efforts or preparation suggested by the counsellor even though the intended benefits and/or outcome might not be obvious from the outset. The client must not withhold or attempt to obscure any information in order for the counsellor to gain an insight, and a right one at that, into the client’s situation and/or problem.

As for the counsellor, he or she must be adequately and effectively trained; and adequately supervised by a more experienced superior. Key attributes include an ability to live out God’s word, especially the ability to love one another, patience, keen listening ability, focusing, empathy and analytical ability. Notwithstanding, self-awareness is of the utmost importance in ensuring that the counsellor’s independence of thought and mind is not compromised by the client’s background, situation and/or problem.

Contrary to secular counselling, a counsellor involved in religious counselling has the additional spirituality dimension to be mindful of. The Bible is the focal point of reference, and provides the backdrop of precepts, obligations, benchmarks, and standards of expectation of all abiding and obedient disciples of God. To this, all religious counsellors have to be adequately knowledgeable of God’s teachings, and be prepared to lead a more prayerful life. In building a more intimate relationship with the Lord, one is more likely to be able to discern God’s word and messages according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The Less Travelled Route To Chiangmai

Yes, it was Tiger Airway, TR 108 that I flew in on Saturday, 17 January 2009 at about 6.10pm.

I had originally planned to fly direct to Chiangmai in the northern part of Thailand by Silkair at about S$788 (Hot Deal for two persons on return trips during off-peak period).

I had procrastinated on taking up the offer as the by-elections were in progress then.

When all was calm by Monday, 12 January; there was no more available seats on Silkair for my scheduled trip.

By chance, I logged onto Tiger Airway's website, and found a 50 per cent discount on a trip to Bangkok.

On reflection, it was more in line with my original plan of discovering the way to Chiangmai by land transport through Malaysia. I decided to sign up, and continue the half of the journey by rail or bus/coach.

A Thai national in my row had advised me to opt for the railway as buses were more prompt to accidents.

Acting on the advice of the Tourism Authority staff at the airport, I paid about 350 bahts(meter' reading plus 50 bahts for airport surcharge and 70 bahts for two toll stations on the expressway) for the taxi trip to Huolumpong railway station.

Beware: a similar taxi trip offered within the passengers terminal would have cost me 950 bahts. It is advisable to join the queue for taxis outside the arrival hall.

Do not opt for a taxi plying along the road outside the passengers terminal if you are not familiar with Bangkok.

According to some websites, it is not easy to book a ticket during the weekend. I reached the station at about 8.30pm, and sleeper tickets were still available for the last train leaving at about 10.00pm.

It took about 14 hours to reach Chiangmai. There were about 15 stations along the way. Some of the major stations had foodstalls operating late into the night, but the train would only stop for about 5 minutes at each station.

I felt a deep sense of serenity as I stepped out of the train at Chiangmai.

The platform was clean and brightly-lit. There were several well laid-out kiosks selling cut fruits, confectionery, souvenirs, etc.

The entrance/exit point opened out onto a park-like compound flanked on both sides by rows of shops (two 7-ll outlets), cafes and restaurants.

I was relieved to see a small hotel in the midst of the row of shops, cafes, etc.

It offered affordable rates, but I was looking for a backpacker-style of lodging to keep my expenses low for the whole duration of my stay in Thailand.

The check-in staff was helpful, and offered an alternative room in the rear wing of the hotel complex at about 550 bahts a night.

It was a good offer. Room was spacious, bathroom well-kept and the bed was good. The hotel staff had referred to the rear wing as the condominium probably because some rooms were on long-term rent basis.

I subsequently realised that the hotel had another facility for backpackers across from where I stayed.

But, I was happy to stay put as the other facility was not air-conditioned, and the daytime temperature was getting warmer

The hotel had a cafe/restaurant next to its front wing even though it had a so-called coffee shop within the wing.

The ambiene was good, and so was the food. I had had all my dinners at the beer-garden of sort during my 3-day stay in Chiangmai.

I loved the shabu shabu (steam-boat of sort, but using an earthen pot), green curry, century eggs deep-fried with basil leaves, etc.

Prices were reasonable (ranged from 60 bahts for fried vegetable - 150 bahts for steamed fish).

I had Chang draught beer for every dinner at 29 bahts(S$1.30).

Beware: You might have to remind them to abstain or use sparingly certain herbal/spicy ingredients such as lemongrass, ginger, chilli padi, etc. My throat started to hurt on the third day of my stay.

The Chiangmai city area was within walking distance from the railway station.
I chanced upon a market operating late into the evening on my way to the city.

The cooked food section was especially well-patronized in the evening by office workers packing dinner on their way home.

One of the two catholic churches in Chiangmai. The smaller church had only one mass (and it was in English) on Sunday (near YMCA hostel).

I reached Chiangmai at about 1.00pm, and had only one option - mass in Thai at 5.30pm.

The Sacred Heart Cathedral was surprisingly huge and majestic for a largely Buddhist-dominated country.

The Sunday evening congregation was small (less than 150 persons who were mostly late and took up seats at the rear pews; leaving the front pews largely empty).

Not too sure whether or not there was a choir in attendance. But, a suprano and two or three other men (near the pianist) led the singing beautifully.

The church shared the huge surrounding compound with a mission school which helped to enliven the church atmosphere.

The so-called taxis available in Chiangmai (besides the tuk-tuks) were truck-convert with a low cabin at the rear for passengers going in the same vicinity.

In the background of the photograph was the bus terminal at "Arcade" that I went to enquire about the trip back to Bangkok.

The journey by coach would be shorter by about 2 hours as compared to train's.

About 500 bahts for a so-called VIP coach, and about 290 bahts for a non-VIP option.

The staff could not tell me on the difference in service or comfort.


I would have opted for the bus if not for the toilet facility in one of the non-VIP coach that I managed to peek at (check it for yourself if you have to).

I opted for the train back to Bangkok.

It was Tuesday, 20 January 2009, but all lower sleeping facilities had been booked for Wednesday, Thursday......I did not bother to ask further.

I opted for a day trip by Special Express train. It was a good try.

The train left Chiangmai at about 8.20am, and reached Bangkok at about 9.30pm (as against scheduled time: 8.45pm). Refreshments and lunch were served along the way.

The train on the return journey was better maintained, and there was no foul smells that I had to endure each time some passenger cleared his/her bowels as I had experienced on the train trip to Chiangmai.

Depression OR Mid-life Crisis ?

For some time, I have been feeling low and moody. I find it so hard to get up in the morning to go to work.Friends tell me I am going through a mid-life crisis even though I do not feel it is that. I am 39 years old and wish life would be less stressful, but each day seems such a drag for me.

Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining ! Neither am I the poser. But, some of the symptoms do remind me of a certain stretch of time in my life when I wondered occasionally if I was indeed suffering from depression. Yes, I was in my forties then. The more I thought about it, the worse I feared. I had some information about psychological problems that could possibly plague men in my age group, and I seemed to identify with all the symptoms associated with depression. But, I never had negative thoughts about myself. Neither did I entertain extensive negative thoughts about the future, life, society, or the world in general. Daily activities ? Well, routine, boring and predictable as usual.

I wonder if I am suffering from depression.

Some consultant therapist had said, "People who suffer from depression often end up being dominated by negative thoughts, low moods and, if severe enough, suicidal thoughts".

I had some. Well, not consistently and continuously for a stretch of time. What I feared then was the possible onset of depression. And, if left unchecked could possibly lead to a situation where I could not even search my mind. At least I could still take charge of myself then.

From hindsight, I was feeling depressed but not necessarily suffering from depression. I like it best when an expert attributed such psychological profile as possibly due to what is known as life-transition issues.

Yes, I was definitely grappling with issues such as:

• how life has been for me so far;
• wondering if I had achieved anything significant or legendary;
• whether or not I had lived life to the fullest;
• taking stocks of my ambitions, achievements and uncompleted tasks;
• evaluating as to what and how I should move on from then;
• whether or not I should slow down and enter a more leisurely phase of my life;
• evaluating as to what could possibly see me actively and usefully engaged throughout the rest of my life; and
• whether or not a retirement home elsewhere would be better; etc.

Technically, it was a mid-life crisis as it triggers the thought that a significant stretch of my life has gone by and death is eventual and inevitable as I soldier, glide, drag, whatever on the rest of my life.

It is suggested that I take time to reflect on what has been meaningful in my life thus far, and identify blessings in my life.

It is true that whatever struggles, unfulfilled dreams such as my dream house by the sea/ocean and dissatisfactions should not negate or discount what has been affirmative and self-rewarding thus far. I would continue to pursue on how I wish to live for the rest of my life.

I will find time to pursue my interest in music which I regrettably neglected when I switched jobs soon after I bought the Yamaha Electone Organ in 1985.

There must be someone and something to live for, something enthusing and something enticing out there to lead me on!

I have already started on enhancing relationships with people who mean so much to me, but that I could not spend more time with them in the past hectic lifestyle.

I have resumed my strict regimen, and adopt a more healthy lifestyle. Come Sunday and you are most likely to find me recharging at one of Singapore's beaches.

I continue to seek and discern spiritual inspiration and direction to enhance my inner peace and ps psychological/spiritual well-being.

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Catholics Do Not Worship Mother Mary

It is not uncommon for others to refer to catholics as those christians who worship Mother Mary.

Years back as a young catholic, I was baffled by questions on the propriety of worshipping Mother Mary. I was not irritated by the misconception at best, or wrong accusation at worst.

On reflection, I am of the opinion that we, as catholics, could not attribute the wrong impression solely on others.

Many of us were at fault. On entering the homes of catholic families, it is common to find the statue of Mother Mary taking centre-stage on the altar.

The icon of Jesus would probably be to the right or left of Mother Mary.

Worst still, there might be none at all.

With these in mind , I have discussed with my wife on making the necessary adjustments to the altar arrangement (see picture).

Besides, the portrait of Mother Mary has also been taken down from our main door; and replaced by the all-too-familiar crucifix associated with the catholic faith.

To set the orientation right, catholics DO NOT worship Mother Mary. We pray to Mother Mary to intercede for us in her prayer to the Lord.

Pope Benedict XVI told the pilgrims at the Marian sanctuaries of Lourdes this year that humble prayer to Mary was a true path to Christ.

The pope said Mary had appeared at Lourdes to invite everyone who suffers, physically or spiritually, to "raise their eyes toward the cross of Jesus" and recognize a love that is stronger than death or sin.

In his sermon, the pope placed himself among the pilgrim population, saying he, too, had come to pray at the feet of Mary, "eager to learn from her alongside little Bernadette".

Bernadette Soubirous was the 14-year-old peasant girl who had 18 apparitions of Our Lady over a six month period in 1858. He noted that Mary's first gesture to St Bernadette was to make the sign of the cross - an initiation into the mysteries of faith in Christ.

In his message on the celebration of the 150th anniversary of the proclamation of the Dogma of the Immaculate Conception, His Grace (Archbishop Nicholas Chia) had said that it was through Mary Our Blessed Mother that Christ, the Word of God came into this world.

Through her humble submission to the will of God, Jesus became incarnate in her womb and was born in Bethlehem. Of all creatures she was closest to Him.

Through her, St Elizabeth and St John the Baptist encountered the Lord. At the Wedding Feast in Cana she introduced the stewards to the Lord: "Do whatever He tells you".

Mary's mission is to bring others to Christ and Christ to others. Mary wants to bring us close to Christ, the Word of God.

There are countless justifications as to why we should pray to Mother Mary.

But, in our zeal to look up to her for help; we must not unwittingly send the wrong message to others that we are worshipping her.

Our focus is still on the Lord Jesus.

Our acts of devotion must be seen to be in line with our focus.

Otherwise, we only have ourselves to be blamed if we grant others the opportunity to portray us as worshippers of Mother Mary !

Click Here for "Marian Pilgrimage 2018"

Marina Barrage, Singapore

The barrage is a 350-metre wide dam constructed across the Marina channel in the southern part of Singapore, creating Singapore's 15th reservoir; and the only one in the city area.

Celebration Of The Lourdes Experience In Singapore

The 150th anniversary of Our Blessed Mother's Apparition to St Bernadette at Lourdes in 1858 was celebrated at the Singapore Indoor Stadium on Saturday, 6 December 2008.

"Mary & the Word of God" was the theme chosen for Singapore's 2nd celebration of the "Lourdes Event" as this was in line with the theme that was treated by the Synod of Bishops in Rome from 5th to 26th October this year: "The Word of God in the Life and Mission of the Church".

It was through Mary Our Blessed Mother that Christ, the Word of God came into this world. Through her humble submission to the will of God, Jesus became incarnate in her womb and was born in Bethlehem.

Each year, for the past 150 years, thousands of people of all faiths journey to Lourdes to pray at its Grotto for special favours, such as physical cures; to drink or bathe in its healing waters; seek spiritual solace or simply to imbibe the feeling of peace and love that pervades the atmosphere of this holy place.

However, it is not the place but the faith of the pilgrim which brings about healing. And Lourdes would not have become the well known pilgrimage site today, if not for the extraordinary experience of Bernadette Soubirous.

On 11th February 1858, she had her first encounter with Our Lady which changed her life from obscurity to prominence, for which she had to suffer much. In all, she had 18 apparitions of Our Lady over a six month period.